This year had been really … unexpected in ways. It’s been challenging. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes grand, sometimes just lost in a forest.
Granted, I’ve also had some of the best moments ever. Feeling crazy alive, totally in love, and completely in sync. Moments of seeing people and myself with more compassion, beauty, and openness than ever before.
I’ve also faced some places inside myself that were really messy, and spent a lot a times stuck in places that felt really strange. I often found myself in unchartered territory. That lead me into some interesting situations and difficult conversations and being in the not-knowing for a lot longer than felt at all comfortable.
Along the way, stuff got real! I lost my job, figured out (sort of!) what I want to be when I grow up, travelled, stayed out all night, took trains planes and automobiles, and faced some big fears. I met amazing people that blew my mind and my heart open, deepened and shifted my relationships (both with myself and others), laughed hardily and out loud even when things felt the worst, and burst into tears at both joyful and sad moments. I played. I thought my Beloved cat was gone, and grieved and prayed, and then he came back (after thinking he was dead for almost a month!)
I created room for conversations, and people, and places. I started working with kids again. I worked on teams with healers and coaches that fed my soul and mentored me and opened doors for me. I opened doors for myself that I never thought I could.
(And then, of course, as a nice bonus/ cosmic joke, the transmission in my car died last week. OH WELL! Funny/not Funny, Universe.)
It’s been a trip, but the part that keeps sticking is: This is my real life. I’m in it now. I’m on my way. This is the life that’s been waiting for me. The one I am here to really Live, even if I don’t always know how it’s going to come together.
“The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.”
More than any one thing I’ve done, I started to really ask different questions. I think I said Yes to my adventure (AKA started following my bliss and got on my “path’) when I stopped asking “What should I do with my life?” or “When am I finally going to get a “real” job? and started asking myself instead:
“What turns me on? What excites me? What are my deep gifts I can share with the world” and
“What do I need to be happy? What am I doing when I feel really, really good, and how can I do more of it?”
To step into your purpose- your calling- your own adventure is really big stuff. It doesn’t matter if your life is already really “together” or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re already successful or totally at loose ends. Or whether you are single or have kids or a million dollars or none at all. (Yes, money often helps us get resources to fuel our adventure, but sometimes it can also hold us back and keep us where we’ve always been. I did some of the most growing when I lost my job earlier this year.)
Whatever the external circumstances, it requires a lot of willingness to be in the unknown. It takes a lot of following the breadcrumbs, and feeling really vulnerable along the way. It takes a lot of hanging out in coffee shops when you “should” be doing something productive. It takes detours and risks and flights and fancy.
It takes working a lot of different jobs until you find something you like doing. It’s allowing yourself to feel whatever you want to feel sometimes, and also insist that you have the right to feel good. To feel pleasure. To express yourself in whatever (hopefully healthy-ish but sometimes messy) way you want.
It’s being in relationships that feed you, and letting go of the ones that don’t. It’s giving yourself deeply to the relationships that really mean the most.
Mostly, it’s really listening and being with whatever comes up, and going from there. Right in the present moment.
It’s hard stuff, man. But it’s so so worth it. Because you get to be you. You get to do what you want to do. You get to be around the people you want to be around. You get to write your own ticket.
Even if you don’t even know what you want to do with your life, the opportunity to really be YOU- and live from the place inside of yourself that is deeply yours- it’s an experience that will change you from the inside out.
We are, always, in the great unfolding of our life’s journey. This journey is mythic, and also very moment to moment. It doesn’t matter if what you want to do or be is something very small, or very big, or both at the same time. It’s the opportunity at every turn to experience more of your life, your truth, and connect that to a vision and making meaning of that.
It’s about being more in the moment, and also, more in the expanse and in the mystery.
It’s your secret longings. Sometimes, it’s the forbidden. It’s the dreams that fill you on those certain nights and never leave, the feelings we can’t always explain that persist until we listen to them
It’s the fear and the excitement of taking risks you never though you could. It’s WILD. It’s freedom. It’s really, really loving yourself, or finding people that can help you love yourself (because sometimes, yanno, we hate ourselves, too.)
I don’t know how it all comes together. I’m still figuring this part in my own life.
But I do know that when you say yes, ( or maybe your yes is more like a whisper: ok god whoever you are, i am ready to be in my life and in my power) and even if it’s just yes to YOU in a moment, or to a feeling deep down you know is lighting something up inside of you, then you create something. You open a door to a certain dream you’ve always desired, (but don’t know yet how to realize it).
You say yes to falling madly in love again, even if you don’t know with who (and in the end, it’s with yourself and your own life, anyway.)
You enter into a place of your life, where you- the real you- with all the magnificent and brimming-with-life possibilities that carries, begins. You really do feel alive in a different way.
And it’s your job, as much as any other work you have in your life, to begin tap into what this is inside of yourself, feed it, and assist it in coming alive.